And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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