so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
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I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
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I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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