your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
