I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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