He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
