I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
