This is not my ceiling
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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