hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
