I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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