Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Terrible idea I love it
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
