there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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