why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
