Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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