My sheets look like a crime scene.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize