great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
