i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
