worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
