nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
