All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
