3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
porn star boner night. come get it.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
