I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
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Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
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I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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