It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
