four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
