I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.