New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual