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I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
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