he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.