my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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