So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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