just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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