If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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