He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
