I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
