omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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