What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
