Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
