bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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