Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize