Houston, we have a blender
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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