They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
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I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
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The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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