The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
