You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think my moral compass just broke
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
