i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
