I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
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My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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