oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
