fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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