I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I think I won the penis lottery.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
