maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
