im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
