I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
