So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
