so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
