You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
