After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
