i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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