i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
