This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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