the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
