i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
