I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
