My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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