does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
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i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
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just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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