dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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