Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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