I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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